


heart and soul

by paranormalbouquet



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:54:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranormalbouquet/pseuds/paranormalbouquet
Summary: you could love this boy with all your heart...
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 12
Kudos: 41





	heart and soul

**Author's Note:**

> hi omg it’s been a hot minute since i posted anything. im so happy i was finally able to finish something but this is very different than how i normally like to write. it’s kinda noel pov but like outside of him too..?? idk maybe it works maybe it doesn’t, whatever it’s written now, lmao.  
> this is all inspired by [this richard siken quote](https://twitter.com/sikenpoems/status/1322075148208480256?s=21) so that’s kinda why it’s in the format it is and why the phrase gets repeated a lot through it.  
> as always, this is dedicated to anya and star. love you both so so so much.

_ you could love this boy with all your heart… _

you could love this boy with every thread of life you have in you, nothing in your existence coming away unscathed from his impact. 

you could give him every part of you, all the love you have to offer, but would it ever be enough?

cody is like a precious gem to noel. noel wants that gem because it’s unique and it’s unlike any other. he wants it because he knows he could never find one as perfect as this one. but he’s too scared. he’s scared he’s going to taint this precious gem, to make it lose its value, harm it in some way. he’s scared he’s not deserving of it and that someone else could take better care of it than him. but it’s just so pretty. 

cody is like a beautiful bouquet of flowers to noel. the flowers are stunning and they smell heavenly and they add light and color and joy to wherever they are and… he loves them. flowers need vases. they need vases to hold them up and support them. they need vases so they can stay hydrated, so they can stay alive. noel wants to be his vase. he wants to be the base, the vessel from which he receives love and attention and nutrients. but he’s scared. what if there are too many flowers in cody’s bouquet and his vase isn’t able to hold all of him? what if he’s not enough for cody? what if he’s not able to give him all the love and affection and support he deserves? and who’s to say if he  _ was _ able to hold all of the flowers, that his vase wouldn’t crack under the pressure? he could just fall off the surface he thought he was sturdily sat on and shatter on the cold, hard floor, leaving cody’s everything strewn all over. and that would be that. everything ruined. 

so, you could love this boy with all your heart. 

you could love him so much so that you think about how much he means to you from the moment you wake up to the last moment before you fall asleep. you could allow yourself to worry about if you’d be enough for him when you don’t even know if he feels the same way about you.

you could love this boy with all your heart, but unrequited love? now, wouldn’t that just be the cherry on top.

you could love this boy with all your heart.

every contraction of that strong muscle in your chest could be just for him. every valve opening and closing, all the blood rushing through and being propelled out and through the body, all of it for him. 

every breath you take in and out of your lungs could be for him. when one takes a breath in, their lungs absorb that oxygen. the blood cells the heart continuously pumps through the body pick up this oxygen and the oxygenated cells get sent back out to the body’s tissues to keep one alive.

every breath noel takes is filled with love for this boy. and just as when blood cells pick up the oxygen the lungs supply, the cells also pick up that love which then with every beat of noel’s heart, gets sent coursing through his body. one’s tissues need oxygen to stay alive. noel needs his love for cody.

cody deserves love. he deserves so much of it. 

so you could love this boy with all your heart but would it be enough? 

you could love this boy with all your heart.

you could appreciate his beauty until eternity. you could run your eyes through his long, brunette hair and wish it was your hands doing it. you could watch his lips move as he talks about something he’s really passionate about, progressively getting more and more excited about it. you could study his face and write love notes for every last one of the freckles that dusted the perfect skin of his cheeks. you could watch as he fidgets with his hands and waves them around slightly as he tries to explain something. he could look over at you and you could gaze into his beautiful eyes that you don’t even want to try and describe the color of. it’s mystical and noel loves it. 

and then you could kick yourself for looking at him like this. because what are you doing trying to enjoy something you can’t have? torture. 

but you love him. 

you could love this boy with all your heart. 

you could adore his ruthless positivity and passion to make the people around him laugh and smile and be happy. 

cody could walk in a room and it would light up. it does for noel at least. cody could be knocking on his apartment door, waiting to be let in, and the moment noel opens the door and locks eyes with him, he feels his chest fill with warmth. he instantly softens as he watches the corners of the boy’s mouth almost immediately turn up in a smile he’ll never ever get tired of seeing. noel could think that smile is just reserved for him but that too is a luxurious thought. 

so yes. all in all, you could love this boy with  _ all your heart _ . everything. and you could think you have nothing and everything to lose and you could be worried about nothing and everything at the same time and you could… you could love him. 

_ you could love him. _

you could tell him.

you could tell this boy you love him with all your heart. and you could see your world shatter before you. you could see the gem lose its shine. you could see the flowers wilt. you could feel your heart stop beating and you could stop breathing and the love-rich blood could stop coursing through your body. you could die a little on the inside because… because he doesn’t love you back. 

you could watch his face grow pale and his mouth open slightly in… some type of emotion noel doesn’t want to unpack. there could be no sign of that smile noel loves so much. you could watch the light drain out of cody and the room because he doesn’t love you back.

you could be rejected.

you could have all your worst fears come true. you could have everything you’ve come to count on taken from you. you could still love this boy with all your fucking heart but you could watch him sit there, shocked by your confession, as his eyebrows furrow up and his eyes turn a sad shade of pink almost as if he were about to cry. and you could watch helplessly as the boy you love quickly stands up and leaves without a word. 

and you could cry and cry and cry. 

you could be confused because how did it go so wrong. you could not hear from the boy you love for days and blame all of this on yourself because if you just kept it to yourself, cody would still be here. you’d still be able to see his smile and his beautiful eyes and feel his energy and… 

one’s tissues need oxygen in order to stay alive. noel needs his love for cody. 

so you could love this boy with all your heart, but you could feel like you're dying. you’re still alive because you still love him. but it hurts. everything hurts. you could feel empty, as empty as that vase you wanted to be for cody. now his flowers are wilted and drooping and nowhere to be seen and you can’t figure out whether it’s less painful to be empty or if you should’ve just broken the vase.

you could love this boy with all your heart but nothing could come out of it. all for nothing. 

until one day, cody could show up at your front door and you almost don’t want to see his face because it hurts too much but then without any words, he scoops your face up in his soft hands and kisses you. and you could see stars and you could feel like heaven and… and… you could love him with all your goddamn heart. and you could wonder what changed? why was this happening all of a sudden? but you could also feel his lips on yours, the lips you would always used to watch move as he talked. the lips that would turn up in a smile whenever he saw your face. and you could almost feel the smile on cody’s lips now as they caressed your own lips. so would you really need to think about it? not now at least. 

so what  _ now _ then?

then…

then you could pull him in flush to your body and breath him in, the closest you’ve ever gotten to your source of life. and it could be so refreshing and he could feel so full and happy and pleased and everything could feel right.

so you could kiss him softly behind his ear as you pull him into your place and make your way over to the couch. you could whisper all the things you know he wants to hear as you settle on the couch. and he could be letting out these little breaths that are driving you crazy because  _ oh my god you love this boy.  _

you could make him whimper under your touch as you palm your hand over the bulge in his light-wash jeans and it could send a surge down your body because he is in fact loving this just was much as you are. 

and cody could let out a little whine accompanied with a “take me to bed,” and you could feel like you’re on a cloud. you could wonder how this is real but then you could pick him up by the waist and stand him up on his feet and grind into him eliciting a low moan from his throat that could make all that love-rich blood rush straight to your dick. 

so you could push him onto your bed, the bulge in his jeans prominent as he lays there open for you to see. and so you could lean over his body and rub up against him and bite down on his earlobe. you could ask him, “are you sure?” and he could reply with “more sure than anything in my life,” and that could be reason enough for you to just come right there. 

you could pull back and stand between his legs and unbutton his jeans and slide them down his legs along with his boxer briefs and your mouth could water at the sight before you. you could rub your hands up cody’s torso, catching his shirt in your grip and pulling it up and over his head. 

you could watch the boy’s eyes dilate as you strip yourself of your shirt and pants. 

and you could lean back over him again, bare skin touching bare skin and kiss his lips and neck and chest and nipples and torso and thighs… and you could nudge his legs open, further and further until he rests his legs on your shoulders and you could lick a stripe up his hole, rim him with your tongue and it’s everything you’ve ever hoped and dreamed. 

you could reach over and grab the lube and slide your wet fingers into him and you could watch as he grips the sheets below him and lets out these choked moans. you could watch as his eyes widen and then roll back into his head as you brush his prostate. 

and  _ holy fucking shit,  _ this is real. 

and you could push all of yourself into him, filling cody up completely and you could tug on his hair as you thrust in and out and you could love him so much. you could thrust and love and thrust and love and thrust and… “i’m gonna—” cody could choke out and so you could take your hand and grab his dick and stroke it in time with your thrusts as he gets pushed over the edge, coming all over your hand and his chest. 

you could pull your hand up to your mouth and lick it clean of his come and it wouldn’t be much more time before the heat in your abdomen explodes and you come inside of the boy you love. 

and so you could collapse next to him and you could be in a hazy state of reality because  _ jesus christ, that was…  _

“i’m sorry,” cody could say, breaking you out of your own head. 

“for what?” you could ask.

“i’ve always loved you. i just… i just panicked and didn’t know what to do,” he could admit. “i just love you so… so much,” and you could see tears forming at the corners of his eyes and you could lean over and kiss him. kiss him with a depth of an eternity of loving each other.

so you could love this boy with all your heart.

you could love this boy with all your heart and he could love you back.

you could love this boy with all your heart and know you are enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> f1esbian on twitter


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